#107: Santa Claus gave Austria something she didn't want in her stocking. He's such an idiot.

Merry Christmas!

#106: What? Utah State is in a football bowl game today? Why didn't anyone tell me?... Oh.

#105: I was looking at an advertisement for the dollar store and felt it was a waste of ink to put the price of every item in their ad... Maybe I'm the only *one* who can remember *one* number...Oh yeah.... You got that *one*... :)

#104: I forgot my belt today and my pants keep falling off... Okay, not true, but I did forget my belt today...

#103: Should it really be called Black Friday if starts on Thursday?

#102: I really want my girls to join the "Occupy" protests. I want their's to be called "Occupy Our Beds At Night."

#101: We have fruit flies in our house. The best way I know of to get rid of fruit flies is to invite a high school biology class over for a lab. Those kids can never keep them alive for the duration of the assignment.

#100: I've never met anyone who hasn't at least tried food.

#99: I'm pretty sure that Vivaldi's childhood bully called him "Vivaldi Baldi." I know I would...

#98: I step on a lot of things around the house but perhaps the most annoying is when I step on a cooked rice grain which gets smashed into my sock and embeds itself a couple of layers deep.

#97: I think I'm becoming desensitized to yells or screams while walking to and from work. 99% of the time it is someone trying to get my attention to give money to them. I already feel badly for the next person who really needs my help and I don't respond because of my conditioning...

#96: Because 80% of the litter I see are cigarette butts, I tend to disrespect smokers twice over.

#95: Just finished a book about depression. It was so depressing... come on!... You knew that was coming...

#94: It could be a bad sign when I see someone enter a liquor store at 10am in the morning after getting out of a taxi. Reminds me of Russia...

#93: I think if I were a dentist I would wear a stethoscope on Fridays.

#92: With today's events crisp in my mind, I can honestly say I don't think I'd enjoy passing a kidney stone.

#91: I never can decide if I'm cool for never having read or watched Harry Potter or if I'm the only loser in the world who hasn't read or watched Harry Potter.

#90: I never knew that pencils were a much better financial choice than pens until this month.

#89: If there was ever a time to invest in typewriters, that time is not now.

#88: Do you ever have the problem of the knot in your tie at the end of the day being too tight and small from all the pulling and yanking by a little girl?

#87: I forgot how productive I can be without children. Still, I wouldn't trade them for anything...

#86: I've noticed I have started eating my food the way my daughters like it. I now catch myself taking the entire peel off when eating bananas, filling my own glasses only half way full and cutting things up much smaller than I need.

#85: I knew I should have bought a lottery ticket today when on the Marta I noticed two different people both reading the same book at the same time on the SAME page. Yes. I checked. And double checked....

#84: Chances are you are sitting down while reading this...

#83:
Anya: My feelings are hurt.
Me: What happened?
Anya: I don't know what it was.

(Oh, girls. They start young don't they?...)

#82: Either I'm getting bigger or the stairs are getting smaller but I'm now taking stairs two at a time going up and going down...

#81: Talking about General Conference...

John: Who is this guy?

Anya: President Monson

John: And who is this guy?

Anya: I don't know.

John: President Eyring.

Anya: Oh. President Eyring.

John: And who is this guy?

Anya: I don't know.

John: President Uchtdorf

Anya: Oh. President oof-dork.

#80: Being the tallest one in my family, I feel that I get more than my share of spider webs in my face. The other females in my family just never clear the path up that high when walking through trees...

#79: "The Facebooking, Facebooking, Facebooking trend,
A friend can't user, but a user can friend,
When will this social fad finally end?
The Facebooking, Facebooking, Facebooking trend."

- one of the stanzas from a poem in my book about the book called "Tao of Pooh."

#78: Have you ever wanted to eat something but you didn't feel like eating anything from any of the basic food groups except from the candy group?

#77: It's kind of awkward to get upset with your kids for being too loud while listening to General Conference while the speaker is talking about being good parents...

#76: You know it's a boring NCAA basketball championship game when you start finding the weather and the storm system cutting across Georgia more interesting on TV.

#75: I ran into a guy this morning in my car. I decided to just drive away while mouthing the words "April Fool's!" I hope he's okay with it...

#74: If you are a whale, I assume you would have to like seafood.

#73: When someone cuts someone else off while driving, everyone feels good about themselves. The person behind is proud for being such a philanthropist for "letting" the other person in, and the other person is proud that they are such a good driver and can "slip right into" the traffic. Moral of story: Always cut each other off and make everyone feel good!

#72: I think surveyors are just closet graffiti artists who realized they had to make a living. Those guys spray paint all over nice sidewalks, roads and walls and get paid for it... and they always seem to use more than enough paint.

#71: The results are in: By myself, I take the garbage out once a week. With the entire family, almost every day. The frequency is highly correlated with diaper usage.

#70: "Dad, why do you say 'eh' at the end of your questions?" - Anya, age 4, daughter of a former Canadian

#69: Is it Valentine cookies or cookie Valentines?

#68: When police officers stop using their laptops while driving, I will stop talking on my cell phone while driving.

#67: No. They were Russians before they were Soviets. I should know because I was there... ;)

#66: The "Sputnik Moment" happened after somebody did something... (namely the Russians). This is not a Sputnik moment. Nobody's done anything except maybe post that they watched the State of the Union address on Facebook...

#65: Just saw my electric bill... Can't wait until global warming actually makes a difference...

#64: Lance, Lance, Lance... I think it's about time, eh, buddy?

#63: I just read that Steven Tyler is going to be a judge on American Idol. So now it will go from a "terrible show" to a "really terrible show."

#62: I always smile when thinking about how many times I fell down on the ice on my mission in Russia.

#61: There are many things I would do to avoid death, but working for the TSA is not one of them.

#60: HOV lanes are like real options - if you have a passenger, you have the right but not the obligation to use them. So don't jam them up when the other 6 lanes are open... actually... on second thought...

#59: What percentage of pain do you have to be experiencing compared to someone else's pain before you can justifiably start to complain in front of them? 50% of their pain? 90% of their pain? More than 100%? ...